No dirty or vulgar jokes

Five people were cruising and enjoying, suddenly storm came and the boat they were sailing started sinking. All of them were shocked and thinking the way to escape. One person asked the rest,"is here any one who knows the prayers to save life on this occasion". "Sure, I know that prayers", one person replied. "Thank God! we had only 4 life jackets", they all suggested.

An Arab went to buy a horse. The seller told Arab "my horse is the best, it understands only quranic words". "What words?" Arab asked the seller. "Well! when you sit on it, say Allaho Akbar,(God is great) if you want him run, say alhamdu lillah.(thank God) If you want horse to stop, say subhan allah".(praise to God only) Arab liked it and bought the horse. He sat on it saying Allaho akbar, then he said alhamdu lillah, horse started running rather flying. After a few minute, Arab noticed a deep ditch coming ahead in a moment. Arab was stunned just imagining his death coming in a moment. He forgot the word to make the horse to stop. In a few second he recalled the word while in a shocking state. "Subhan Allah, Subhan Allah". Horse stopped while one leg up in the air right on the ditch one third and two third on the ground. Arab looked up in the sky taking deep breath and said "Alhamdu lillah",(alhamdu lillah in arabic language means thank God).

When a taxi driver did not make a stop at red light and drove through, the passengers screamed "hay! hay !hay man! watch". Don't worry sir, my brother does it all the time, taxi driver replied calmly, and every one forgot what happened in a few minutes. After a little while at the next intersection there was a green light but the taxi driver did make a stop now and did not drive through. Passengers questioned taxi driver, "why you stopped now there is a green light". My brother may be coming from the other side sir, driver again replied calmly

WATCH THIS VERY FUNNY VIDEO

While driving on a highway a biker approached to the car and asked the driver "have you ever seen the motor bike?" the car driver looked at the biker and thought what kind of a silly question is this "have you ever seen a motor bike" and sped up. Momentarily the biker approached the car driver again while driving and asked the same question. The car driver this time gave the biker annoying look and accelerated . Suddenly the car driver heard a big noise, he turned his head and saw the biker smashed on to road barrier and fell down. The car driver was a nice guy as well, so he reversed his car reached the biker. It was very bloody since the accident was severe. The car driver suggested the biker " I think you need an ambulance immediately, let me make a phone call, do you need anything else? The biker with painful voice asked the car driver the same question "haaave yooou ever seeeeeen the moooo tor bike"? This time as a courtesy, the car driver replied,"yes I have seen many times and drove many times". Where are the brakes of a motor bike? the biker asked

A policeman was trying to stop a biker while yelling " hey! stop! you don't have head lights". "Sorry officer, I can't stop, I don't have brakes either". biker answered while kept driving.

One guy standing near a high rise building talked to another guy who was smoking,"excuse me may I ask you a question", "yes! go ahead", another guy replied. "How many packs you smoke a day"? "two Packs" smoker answered politely. "How long you been smoking"? "40 years", smoker replied again. Then this guy started calculating."You know if you never had smoked, you could have owned this three story building". "Do you smoke"? Smoker asked this guy now."no I don't".Non smoker replied. "Do you own any three story building"? "no I don't". "by the way, this whole block of buildings is mine". smoker replied.

An over wight lady phoned her girl friend from grocery store. Her girl friend's brother picked up the phone.The lady said "tell your sister I have got the meat". "I know you got the meat", brother of the lady answered while laughing.

TEST YOUR BRAIN...BEST RIDDLE IN THE WORLD

We all know 2 minus 2 is zero or 95 minus 95 is zero likewise if we minus same numbers of any given number the answer is always zero, but, but, but, here is the number 45 and minus 45 equal ? No.No. Nope not zero . How we arrage 45 minus 45 so that the answer should be 45..Grrrrrreat riddle ...Answer this question via trustshah@gmail.com
and you may win a lovely gift.

One lawyer was sitting in a train, in front of him there was another person sitting awkwardly, carrying lots of sweets and gift with him. The Lawyer did not like this poor man's dress and class and started making fun of him. He asked the person "where you coming from and where you going". The low class person replied"I am coming from India and going to Pakistan after four years". "O' I see, that's why you carry lots of gifts and sweets". "No. No., actually my wife phoned me last week and told me she gave birth to a boy", poor man replied. "Last week?", The lawyer asked surprisingly. "yes! last week".The poor person replied calmly. "You still think he is your baby? while you are returning home after 4 years". The lawyer started laughing and making fun of him ?. "who cares sir, after all I have to make him a lawyer anyway when he is grown up", the poor man answered smilingly

Ask again

A police man stopped a speeding car and approached the driver "may I ask your name?" Police man asked the driver". "Yes go ahead", The driver answered. "very smart", the police man made the remarks, "O.K. show me your license", police man ordered the driver this time."here you go", the driver handed over the license to police man. "who is this?" police man asked the driver. "My wife". the driver answered. "again smart, I want yours" the police man said rudely now. "same and equal rights for spouse sir" the driver answered. Do you know what the police man did?...... Another best one is coming tomorrow.

Don't drink and speculate

One drunk man was looking up in the sky focusing on moon, in the meantime another drunk person came by, this drunk guy asked him" excuse me! what is that in the sky", pointing to the moon. "I am new in this city, I don't know either", other drunk person answered

A Vendor was selling hot dogs on the street. A man came to him and asked`excuse me`the Vendor looked at him and said`yes`. How far is the subway`, the man asked. `I have no idea, sorry`, The Vendor replied. The man started walking. The Vendor shouted`it will be 10 minute walk`. `But you said, you have no idea`.The man said. `Yes , I know, but I did not know your speed before`.The Vendor answered.

A man went to see the doctor. He entered the clinic while holding to his stomach and making painful face. Hi Mr. Smith, whats wrong", Dr. asked the man. "I have severe stomach pain", man answered. "do you remember what you ate today?", Dr. asked the man. " I ate some well cooked bread which was burned to black", man answered. "alright, alright, no problem, here are some eye drops, go home and use one drop in each eye", Dr. gave the medicine to Mr. Smith and waived hand."but Dr. I have pain in stomach", Mr. Smith complained. "I know, use this eye drops, next time you will see better before eating any burned food". Dr. replied.

A 25 year old man was called for compulsory army enrollment, the man did not want to join the army and consulted with many of his friends how to convince army officers that he is not fit for this job. He selected one of his friends idea the most powerful idea, and went to the military headquarter on the scheduled interview. The officer asked him "do you have problem which will stop you to join the services"?. "yes sir! I do", the man replied. "what problem?", the officer asked. "I see every thing in a pair". the man replied. "O, I see", the officer expressed in a smile. "alright, sit down", the officer asked the man. "in which chair sir?", since there was only one chair but to make his point that he sees every thing in a pair, he asked. The army officer replied"which ever is convenient to you". "and write down your complete bio data on the piece of paper". "Which paper sir?", since there was only one paper. "which ever is closer to you, write on it",the officer replied. The officer asked the man, pointing to the clock on the wall,"what is the time there?", "on which clock sir?", the man asked, since there was only one clock. "which ever the clock you can see better", the army officer replied."it is one o' clock", the man answered since the clock was showing 5 minute after one. The army officer replied with joy,"hurray! congratulation...you are hired". "How come sir, since I see every thing in a pair, still you are sending me to war, its a big risk.". "No, no, nope, why didn't you see 4 needles in the clock, 2 needles on 1 and 2 needles on 5, go and get ready".

One beggar rang the bell of a four floor high house. The owner was relaxing on the fourth floor in the balcony. He looked down in the street to find out who rang the bell. The owner of the home noticed a well dressed person standing at his door. The owner shouted", Hey! whom you are looking for?, "I am looking for you, please come down", the beggar answered. So the owner of the house had to come down all the way, opened the door and asked, Yes?. I am sorry to bother you sir, can you spare me couple of dollars?. The owner of the house was very very upset and wanted to say something bad but stopped and said,"come with me please". The begger followed him all the way up to the fourth floor and thought he got the money. "You know what?, I am sorry I don't have any money".the owner of the house said..
RIGHT PROFESSOR

A professor was walking in a lonely(deserted) street at night, suddenly a robber came behind him and ordered him" don't move, if you move you are dead, I have a gun in my hand". Professor turned around and said" No young man you are wrong, If I move, this is the positive sign that I am alive".
who is smart
you fool me once shame on you
you fool me twice shame on me.
Lender
She is not giving my money, and kept promising to pay me next week,
next week, next week
and finally said "I don't have money", "what should I do?" he asked me.
"did you give her cash?" I asked him. "No", he answered. "Then how", I asked. "She promised to lend me some money, so it was my money", he answered.

COOL
"I like to marry a wise man", Susan said to her girlfriend.
"Wise men never get marry", Her girlfriend replied.

A drunk man walking on the street and saw the full moon then asked a passer by"Hey listen, what is up there?",
other person who was also drunk, looked up and said"sorry I am also new in town".

A father took his son to psychiatrist and said "my son feels there is some one under the bed and cannot sleep". Dr. asked his father to bring that son to his clinic for six months treatments, and will cost $6000.00 . After spending $6000.00, problem was still there. Father took his son to another Doctor who asked to pay $10,000.00 for treatment, but this time one of father's friend told the father, "there is an easy way to solve this problem", "what is it", asked the father. "Remove the frame or legs of the bed".

A man walks into the bar really depressed. The bartender asks him what his problem is. “My dog just died and the damn vet charged me Rs 10,500.” Says the bartender: “Wow, that is pretty high. What did the vet do?” “Not much. I took the dog in there and told him, you got to help him Doc, this is the best dog I have ever had. The vet pokes at him for a few minutes and says, ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.’ I said ‘Come on doc, this is my best dog, there’s got to be something you can do.’ The vet says, ‘OK, we can try one more thing.’ He goes over to this cage and grabs this cat and brings it over to the dog and swings it around the dog’s head. The vet says, ‘sorry but he’s gone. That’ll be Rs 10,500.’ I said, ‘What! Rs 10,500 to declare the dog dead?” He says, ‘Yeah. Rs 500 for the office visit and Rs 10,000 for the CAT scan.”

Once a doctor went to a mental hospital. he was walking by a room and saw a guy holding his ear to the wall, so the doc went to that guy and pushed him aside and tried to listen so the doc put his ear against the wall and said i don't hear anything. that guy slapped the doctor and said I am listening to this wall for 20 years i don't hear anything you just came and how the hell can you hear something.

"My great great grand father built a room so large that one can travel the whole day and still could not reach the half of it", Larry told his friend Robert. Robert kept quiet for a minute then said "my great great grand father has a stick so long that if there was no rain for many days then he used to shake the clouds with that stick and rain started to fall". "O' My God, where your great great grand father used to keep that long stick?",Larry asked while laughing. "In your great great grand father's room", Robert replied quietly

3 passengers were traveling in a plane, Muslim, Christian, Hindu. Few minute after the take off, The pilot announced, "I am very sorry to say due to the technical problem we may face horrible ending unless some one sacrifices the life". After a few moment the Christian stood up, made the cross , and jumped. The Pilot said "may God bless his soul, Christian fellow was really a great example for humanity. After a few minute the Pilot again announced, "I am very sorry to repeat again , we need one more who can sacrifice, and then we will have safe landing". This time Muslim stood up, and started praying, Hindu was watching and happy to see that now Muslim will jump. Muslim guy open the door of the plane started praying lifted up the Hindu guy and threw him out.